I walk the stairs today with mounting trepidation, as I take the steps carefully one at a time; and where do I walk to I wonder, to what decision, to what fate, and what end will befall me, what will the Aeon bequeath me? All that I have embraced and all that I have denied will stand behind me now, and I will arrive to answer my maker, naked, alone and lost in the sea of my dreams…..
I walk today to meet the Aeon, and every measured step is reflecting the expectancy and sense of unknowing that I am feeling inside. What will happen to me along the way, what lovers will I encounter and what finale will I meet? This card has been a long time coming, standing, silent sentry on the corners of my vision, waiting and watching as I have stumbled painfully and excitedly through this journey that I am taking, and I have wondered too what he is saying, what judgement will he arrive at, what answer will I be shown in the hour of my appraisal, and so, Aeon, I encounter you today.
I walk through the vivid blue and orange silken stream that honours the gateway to The Aeon, out into the arid, crimson, dusty landscape of the biblical land of Jordan.
I am walking along the bed of a river that cannot be seen, that flows in powerful swathes, in secret beneath the apparently arid and barren surface, waiting for its moment to emerge in fertility and grace at a moment that requires it. I do not walk alone though, the valley is filled with other creatures, some of them animal and some of them human, although no one really looks at each other and they are all walking with their heads down, concentrating on navigating the stony path that lies beneath their feet. They are carefully judging every step, navigating their way towards their destinations, each and every one of them programmed to arrive at a certain time, a certain place, and although they may meet others on the way, in reality, others have no meaning on their path, and it is all about the journey that they will take in order to reach their final point of call.
Every now and then I pass someone who is resting, someone who has sat down and wanted to wait, in the dusty red earth, though for what I am not sure, and then occasionally there is someone who has lain down in a manner that leads me to believe that they will never arise again. Have they given up the journey I wonder, died without reaching the end, perhaps overwhelmed by the pressure of the ever growing heat, the relentless dust, the narrowing of the channel in which we walk and the inevitable crush of bodies as we crowd endlessly on towards the same place, the narrow neck in the sharp rocks that lies in the mountain pass way beyond us.
I walk on, with the rest of the people and animals, ever hotter, ever pressured, and it seems all of a sudden that I am in the stony womb of an alembic in some ancient alchemical reaction, becoming hotter and hotter, more and more compressed in the process of evaluation that is taking place.
I see the pass closer now and I shuffle on with the crowd, slowly now, the crush and the heat intense…. none of us looking at each other, all focussed solely on where we are going. The end is finally in sight and my gaze never shifts from the narrow opening that leads to a whole new world. I feel like I am suffocating, so I try not to let my breathing increase too much, panic could be a death knell at this stage of the operation, and I calm my self, calm…. keep calm I say, relax and let the end come… and then it is nearly there, well, the next phase rather, because in a way this is only the beginning, and I know that… the beginning before the knowing, the realisation that will bring me to the next stage, the birth and the shock of the new.
Finally I get my turn, and I push through the gap, forgetting in an instant the stressful and pressured feeling that I encountered at the end of my journey up the hill. I push forward and roll down warm sand dunes, and an endless beach stretches ahead of me with an ocean of Indigo blue fading into sparkling turquoise as it laps onto the soft glistening bone white shore.
As I stand before the sea, I have the sudden realisation, as until then I have had no awareness of the shape of my body, being so fixated by the destination ahead of me, that I am heavily pregnant. I feel unwieldy and ungainly, the new life lying heavy in my womb, and in order to get some relief from the exhaustion of my journey, I take off all my clothes and immerse myself in the warm salty water, allowing it to support and envelope me in its cool and calming arms. I relax into the beautiful turquoise water in this place of visions, rolling and playing like a seal, as I watch the distant mountains reaching for the sun across the cerulean sky and I feel the love of the child within me, the love of life without and I am united at this moment with the past present and future, seeing now that all my roads have led me here to this one spot in this one place in this time of now.
Back on the shore, rested and at peace, I see that Malachi has arrived, and as always I am delighted to see him. He looks at me with the kind eyes that remind me of an ever present father who feels like a rock with his presence, all forgiving, all respectful and who is always there when you need him most.
He tells me that the Aeon is a card of waiting, in which no one will know the real outcome, just as I can never know the personality of the child that they I carry. The process is hidden from our eyes; it occurs on another level, gradually building and developing. We can help it, much like we help a baby to grow, facilitating it as best we can, but the end result is never a certainty, it always has its own volition, something that we can never apprehend until after the event. The weight of my belly returns now that I am on dry land, the responsibility, the lack of knowledge, the fear, the desire to know, to understand the outcome, but the future is unknowable. We can see that there is a baby, that will grow into a child and later to an adult, and we can guess at many of the things that it will do, or even be, but we can never know beforehand of the love that bursts from your heart like a raging torrent for the child, the desire to protect it with your own life, to stand guardian over her hopes and her fears, her pain and her tears to nurture her and if necessary to die for her. All this is unknown, and we must trust in the process, trust in the wonder of life.
I leave this place with a large stripy shell, that I found as I dived to the bottom of the sandy sea, cloaked in the golden dreams of that place, my belly swelling with the child I carry, and the feeling of the warm salty water lapping the skin of my outstretched toes.
The Aeon XX
The Spirit of Primal Fire
Elemental Trump of Fire & Spirit
Planetary association Pluto