The task awaits, has been waiting for some time now, sitting in the corners of my awareness, as I walk in places of uncertainty and hazy vision. Doubt and confusion have clouded my mind, and there has been something that I have been looking for, without knowing what it is. Feelings and shapes, moods and events have been plucking at my awareness, each of them telling me their side of the story, and yet the final amalgamation has still evaded me, has slipped away from my vision, like a dream that you might remember fleetingly in all its beauty, and then forget, as the wakefulness of day breaks upon your mind like an ice cold wave.
And so I am to go back, to try to find this place, this feeling, this sense of being, where Fire and Water become one, where the Eagle and the Lion unite, where they dissolve in the cauldron of death and become united in their beauty and strength.
So I ascend the stairs from the Hallway of beginnings, and pause for a moment before the doorway. Nothing has changed, and yet everything has changed, and I feel as if I am walking for the first time into this place that has released so many secrets. It is as if I am to discover the meaning, the understanding, the matter of it all, to unite my earth bound self with the visions that I see, to soar above this earth bound shell to find peace, for a moment, a breathe, a heartbeat, an eternity.
I step into a world of darkened colours, and I cannot see much of where I am, but I see in the distance, a valley, below where I am standing, and I realise that I must be quite high, for the valley is way below me. The Sun shines here in this valley that I can see, blessing the fields and houses with the magical colours of an old master painting. An idyllic place of rainbows and heaven, where all things are possible and life exists outside of time. I look down into the valley, and it seems like a million miles away from me, but I also know that in a way, that it is within my reach, that it lies within my heart.
I look around me and try to see if there is anything closer to me, and I see two shadowy figures, emerging from the periphery of my vision, one is dark and shadowy, and the other is light and golden, but both are rather indistinct in their form, and seem to be more of an energetic representation rather than actual figures that I can see. I feel them draw closer to me, and I get a sense that they are herding me towards something. I make out that we are moving closer to a huge cauldron type vessel, and it is towards this that they are herding me. It seems clear as to the next step, so I climb over the edge of the huge cauldron and lower myself slowly into the water that fills it. As I allow the warm and slightly viscous liquid to flow over my body, I start to relax, and lie back into the welcome of its enveloping arms. I start to relax and as I do so, it feels as if parts of me are starting to disappear, one by one, the threads of my life are disappearing, leaving me, gradually I am being undone. I get the sensation of being stretched and unravelled, unfurled into streamers and whisps of energy, that flutter on some unseen wind that finally takes them and offers them up to the four corners of the earth. Things that are no longer of use are being dissolved in the water, and I feel that I am becoming leaner, denser, more concentrated in some way, compressed and hardened and yet more pliable at the same time. The sense of this is unusual to say the least. I drift off into my mind as this process is happening and I feel calm, so much of whom I thought that I was seems so unnecessary now and as the process seems to be coming to an end, I climb out of the cauldron, the two figures have gone.
I look down at myself, and see that I am now made of a polished material that is slightly opaque, like a moonstone, opalescent and shining but pliable at the same time.
I feel very powerful in this state and essentially elemental, full of energy and potentials. I walk out into a landscape that is brimming with beauty and filled with fecundity, a place where ancient trees stand in open spaces of grassland. The sun shines in this place and there is a gentleness and stillness that soothes my soul. I realise that I am in the valley that I saw from the top of the mountain when I first entered the card, the valley of possibility and perfection.
I find a suitable space, and I lie down upon the warm grass, resting on my back and looking up at the blue skies, and as I lie there, I feel a prickling in my back and it seems that roots are growing down from my back into the ground. Slowly they push against the dark earth and make their way persistently into the ground, reaching down into the soil, into the richness and bounty of the earth.
As the roots make their way down I also start to feel a sensation in my chest, and I see that shoots are beginning to emerge from my heart. They start to grow up out of my body, reaching for the light and air, and I see that as this process continues, that part of me is growing down into the earth, whilst another is growing up into the light and airy sky. I see that the darkness is necessary to support the light, for without the knowledge of the dark, how can we see the beauty of the light, and I see that these two places are contained within me and that each serves their own purpose. The darkness of the interior contains the richness, the food the vitality required to grow into the light, for how can growth occur in only the light. I step out of my seed body and look at what I am creating. Strongly rooted in the darkness and richness of the earth, my creation reaches upwards into the light, thrusting it’s branches ever upwards to balance the roots that push ever down. From Fire and Water, I have grown into Earth and Air, and I have created life. I am the sum of my parts, and I am not my parts, but a whole created from them. Within death is found new life, the building blocks that we need, in order to start again in a new way.
From a place of purity and strength when all the dross has been stripped away, then in this place where death and life exist simultaneously then all potential is born, and understanding may be found.