This card for me, is a rare card, one that I hardly ever draw for myself, so it is a particularly special journey that I embark on today, and I sit in the hallway of beginnings considering the matter of change; the very essence of its energy disturbs me. The place where I am sitting, The Hallway of Beginnings remains apparently unchanged, and I look around and recognise that everything is still the same as when I first came here, but that on the inside I am not the same, that I have changed. The landscapes that lie within my heart are different, and on some level I see that I need to reconcile this difference. I wonder how I can match the outer world with the changes that have occurred on the inner levels, for balance must be achieved; must we not continually readjust our outer worlds to match the changes that are occurring inside us? and vice versa, if change is to truly occur on all levels. I myself, brave as I may appear to be, am unsure of change, it is not a concept I enjoy, but it is a concept that I try to embrace, and have embraced, my heart beating in my chest, my mind at breaking point and my steps faltering. I have carried on walking, I have not stopped.
So I proceed to climb the stairs with the usual mixed feelings of uncertainty and worry, trailing at my heels like two stray curs that have no other home, with my two guardian angels, hope and love, leading me on into my future as they always do.
As I come to the door, the wood seems to be moving before my eyes, bending and curving like the surface of a convex mirror. The surface is indistinct and undulating and I am not sure how to approach or even open the door, so I stand before it and breathe. I breathe slowly and surely, trying to empty my mind of the persistent thoughts that have been plaguing me, the constant repetition of words in my mind, and I try to breathe through them, to lay them to rest, so that I can make sense of what I am seeing. I try to soothe them into some sort of order, so that I can find the true picture that I am searching for, rather than the mirages, horrors and glamour’s that array themselves in my mind constantly like some incessant news reel. Calm, calm, calm, breathe; and as I still the thoughts with my breath, I step through the door, parting the purple and lilac drapes that cover this card, silken velvet, sensuous and soft, and I walk into an enormous and darkened room.
The walls are hung with opulent purple velvet, and the floor is chequered with large black and white tiles. It is very dim, and incredibly still, there is no movement here, nothing is moving, and I stand there adjusting my eyes to the darkness in the hope that I can find some understanding in this place. As my eyes grow accustomed to the gloom I see that there are various figures scattered around, and that these, together with the chequered floor, indicate that I seem to be in the middle of a giant game of chess. On closer inspection I see that there is a King over near the far wall at the back of the room, facing into the center, and that there is a figure that may be a Queen, closer to me. Other pieces are scattered around and I see too that one of them is a Knight, and that he is fairly close to me as well.
The Queen takes my attention first, she has her back to me and I make my way towards her. As I draw closer, I see that she is heavily shrouded and that she is staring down into her arms as though she were gazing at some long lost baby that has been taken from her. I study her face, and it is un-moving, a frozen mask of sadness, as if she cannot accept that the child that was there has gone. Her emotional state is almost overwhelming, and I feel the depth of the pain and the sadness emanating from her, washing over me in an endless river of anguish; her pain, her sadness, the feelings of hopelessness that no other life will ever exist, the hopelessness of a life without hope, she is an obelisk, static and cold.
After experiencing what the Queen is experiencing, I make my way over to the Knight, who on closer examination, appears to be injured, although I cannot see where. The knight is more conversational than the Queen, he seems very childlike, and tells me that it is pointless being a Knight if he can’t run around outside, and I wonder what he means. He points me in the direction of the back of the room, and I peer into the murk and gloom and see that there are a line of tall windows at the back that are almost completely obscured by dust and grime, in fact I had not even noticed that they were there, so dark they must have grown over time. I walk over to them to take a closer look, and it appears to me that they have not been opened for years. I examine the windows closely, how can I open them I wonder, there does not seem to be any way as there are no catches, no handles, I push against them in vain, but there is no give in them; they are stuck fast. I walk along the back of the room searching in vain for a way to open these windows whilst the figures in the room stare impassively, and the hopeful knight follows me with his eyes, pleading with me to free him.
The room is becoming oppressive, suffocating, and it seems to be getting hotter and almost feels dangerous now, as if some unmentionable crisis was going to occur soon if I did not do something soon. I know that I need to find an opening, find a way to let some light and air and life into this oppression and gloom. Finally, burrowing behind the heavy velvet curtains, I find a door, hidden in the darkness behind the king’s throne. There is a handle on the door, and it actually opens quite easily although it has clearly not been opened for years, but open it does. I draw back the curtains, flinging open the door to reveal a day of dazzling light, and I step out into air and sunshine and birdsong and the scent of spring.
I am standing on a balcony from where I can survey the landscape that lies before me, a landscape that stretches out into the green valley ahead. In the distance, I see the castle of The Four of Disks, the elemental symbols perched atop the four towers at the corners. I see The Queen of Wands, galloping at full pelt along the shore of the burning lake upon her horse, with her dogs and her leopard running behind. I see Malachi sitting beneath the pine tree pretending to be an old man, wearing the Queens magic cloak; it is all there, as it was the last time I was here, it is just this part that needs to change, this part needs to catch up, to transform, to embrace, to move, to love again.
I turn back to the large room with the chequered floor and draw back the heavy velvet curtains that have shrouded the light from this place for so long. The light trickles uncertainly into the darkness at first, slowly, carefully, but then the trickle turns to a river and then a flood, as the light searches out the dark corners and crevices, sweeping away the dust and the dirt and the accumulations of the years, leaving no where untouched.
I now turn my attention to The King, who has escaped my investigative eyes so far. He is sitting in his throne, with a huge snake around his shoulders which appears to be asleep. The light and the fresh air seem to be waking the snake up however, because I see him slowly opening his eyes. The tongue flicks a few times, and he moves slightly. Then gradually, as I watch, he starts to move. Slowly, slowly and oh so carefully, he slides down over the kings shoulders, down his body, over his legs and onto the hard chequered floor, and starts to make his way towards the open door, and it is not long before he has disappeared. As if relieved by the absence of the snake, The King himself begins to move, and I see him shifting in the throne, and raising his head to have a look at what is going on around him. I look over to The Queen, and see that she has cast off her veil and has risen from her chair and that she appears to be helping the Knight up from where he was sitting. Several other figures are also coming forward from the darkness and moving towards the light and warmth that is flooding through the open doors.
And as the light bathes the room with its cleansing smiles, it brings movement with it, filling the place with fresh air, the singing of the birds and the smell of sunshine on grass, and the room suddenly appears to be smaller and less austere, everything is coming back down to size. I turn and look back at the open doors to the balcony. The King and Queen are standing on the balcony looking out over the landscape together watching the knight galloping around in the fields. I leave them there, as they discuss their next move, and I turn back towards the door from which I entered; stepping back through the heavy velvet purple glory that swathes the portal to the Two of Disks, back onto the upper landing as I make my way down the stairs again to The Hallway of Beginnings.
The Two of Disks
The Lord of Harmonious Change.
Jupiter in Capricorn
Zero to 10 degrees of Capricorn