The Five of Disks

The velvet gloom of this card steps forward to speak today, the softness and enveloping calm of the colours flowing like oil in my tired mind, seducing me in an ominous kind of way, in that I am afraid of what it will reveal to me, or will it reveal nothing, and drown me instead in the depths of my own darkness. I wonder what it will speak of, this place of apparent dark stasis…the inevitable, the issues that cannot be solved, that carry on relentlessly, without resolution into eternity. But I know that behind the darkness there are flashes of gold, hidden glory behind the darkness, hidden specks of heaven that lie in the darkness of now. I’ve seen them, these rents in the fabric of time, that reveal another place of shining glory, and I will find it, I will discover these places in the darkness, even though I walk with no handrails, uncertain and blind, I will find them, and I will open the gaps wider and let the sunshine and warmth flow in. But stop, it is time to stop my mental meanderings, for I am still seated on the chair in The Hallway of Beginnings, and this will not do, I must go, go and see what will lie before me, for it will not be like I think….this card will reveal its secrets only when I am there, it will not be a matter of conjecture.

After I have set my uneasy mind at rest, I rise from my chair and take the usual route upon the polished elm stairs, rising up, step by step onto the upper landing. I find myself at the door, and before I can start thinking again, I open it, and walk through into the darkness that lies beyond it. I cannot see very much at all, and I find that my steps are impeded by something, and I look down to see that the blue disks of the card are there, all around my feet, and that they stretch away into the distance. There seems to be no way round them, and when I step on them they are extremely unstable, and I feel very afraid.  They appear to be floating on water, and don’t seem to be able to carry my weight at all. I know that this is what I must do, stand on them, to try to walk across them, but I am afraid of sinking into the dark water that lies beneath them. It doesn’t matter which one I stand on, none of them will bear my weight, and I will just sink down into the dark and engulfing water. I am so afraid of drowning, but at the same time, know that I must do this, let myself go down into the water and to see what I will discover.

I stand there tortured by indecision, afraid, but at a loss to what else to do. The natural urge to preserve my life holds me back, but in the same way, my burning desire to live my life pushes me forward… which is it to be, safety, or life? It is not a pleasant thought, and as I step with both feet onto what seems to be the largest disk that I can see, it rocks in an unstable manner, and we sink down into the suffocating darkness of the water, which quickly envelops me, and I fall down with the pressure of the cold squeezing my lungs as the urge to breathe in becomes overwhelming, but I know that I cannot. Down and down I sink, feeling dizzy and exhausted, my lungs collapsing under the pressure, a battle raging in my chest as I know that I am close to death, and overwhelmed by all that is around me.

And then it happens, my lungs give up, and open to the darkness and the cold of the water, and I surrender to the inevitability, with the gloom and oppression flowing into my lungs….. and at the point of certain loss, I find that I am breathing the water like a fish, and suddenly I am able to survive in this place and swim around under the water like some aquatic creature, breathing the water with my lungs as if they were gills.

As I swim effortlessly in this dark world, I begin to see odd points of golden light dotted around on the sea floor, like glowing corals, and I go and investigate them, to see what I might find there. As I look closely at their emerging forms, I see that each is like a small golden flower, opening its petals, and encasing an entire world, with people, and lives, and everything happening as it should be.

As I recognise this, I swim along, looking at the number of golden flowers that are opening on the sea floor, and then roll over onto my back and look up at the surface of the water, and I can see the blue disks floating on the surface of the sea, making the pattern on the card, seeing too that golden light is filtering in from above as well, that it is not all darkness, that the depth of the dark is only in relation to the intensity of the light that I can also see.

I drift within this awareness of light and darkness, and find that I am now standing on solid ground, and that all the water has drained away. And that I am seeing things more clearly. I feel that I have been born again, and I suppose that in some way, I have.  I sense that I am now in a large room, very similar to the one that I found in The Two of Disks, but empty of figures now, and that at the far end there are dark heavy blue black curtains, obscuring a window, but that there is golden light coming from beyond. I walk over to the curtains, and draw them back, revealing a wide and open sun filled landscape awash with clarity and beauty. I gain a strong sense of the needs of my body, and the need that it has to be loved and cared for, and how important it is for me to do this, as it is something that I have been neglecting lately. I breathe in the beautiful air, and the sounds of spring that fill it and I feel glad to be alive. Feeling warm again, and filled with light, I turn to find the banner of the 5 of Disks hanging before me, and with love in my heart, for the journey that I have done, I step through the portal, back into the Hallway of Beginnings.


The 5 of Disks
Worry
Mercury in Taurus
First Decan of Taurus
The Lord of Material Trouble


My name is Joanna Grant, I am an Astrologer, Tarot Reader and Writer, who lives om the Head Shot Fadebeautiful Beara Peninsular in the South West of Ireland. My long knowledge of Astrology leads and informs my practice in offering guidance and empowerment, helping others to lead a more authentic and magical life. You can read more about me here.

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