With peace in my heart and a stillness that I have longed for, today is the day that I have chosen to journey forth to go and meet The Emperor, that austere and shadowy figure that has remained at the corners of my vision, never really revealing himself in his true nature, a man of masks and subterfuge who eludes me and tricks me with false promises and pretty words, leading me into blind alleys and empty streets. I will know this man, I will find him, I will find him today, and I will shed light upon him so that I will always know him in future, recognize him, even when he wears a disguise.
I raise myself from the old elm chair, and walk tall and strong, like The Empress that I am today, up the gentle shelving incline of the polished wooden stairs, walking to meet The Emperor, my father, my brother, my husband, my lover, my son, to meet the essence of each of these, to meet the man that I carry within me.
I open the door to the worlds within, and step through the red and royal robes of The Emperor, walking into an arid and dust filled landscape, barren and stark. The place is filled with storms and cuts a contrast with the gentle peace that I carry with me around my shoulders. Strong winds blow, and carry sharp sands in their arms, abrasive and cutting. They sting my skin, hurting me like the words of taunting bullies, weak minded suffering people who damn the beauty in front of them, beauty that they covet for themselves. I see dust devils whirling like dervishes across the red desert floor, dancing and pirouetting as they play in the landscape, and they lead my gaze further and further, towards the distant hills, until I catch sight of the storm that I am looking for. A huge spiraling dust giant appears to me, powerful, red and intense, sucking all within its path into the walls of its spinning circle. I walk towards it and the closer I get the bigger and taller it gets until it reaches far into the sky. It is many meters wide, and I stand gazing at this storm of sand wondering how I am to enter it, it seems impenetrable and impossible; how could I even attempt to do this without being battered to death by the savagery of the wind, destroyed at the point of entry, broken into a thousand pieces as I become torn by the stinging laceration of the sharp sand. I am afraid of its power, although I know that I must step into it, pass through into the unknown dimension, a place that could destroy me.
I reach out my hand towards the storm, and pass my hand into it, testing the ease of entry. Like dipping a foot into the icy sea, before jumping in, I need to know what I am up against. My hand passes through surprisingly easily, and I feel nothing on the other side. I do it again, and again, and each time it seems to be far easier that I had imagined.
I focus on the storm in front of me, take a deep breath and jump, through the sting of the whirling spinning sand, and find myself standing in a calm and silent place, where I cannot see the storm, it seems to have disappeared. Instead I am standing in a flood of blue light, that is falling over me in waves, like an optical waterfall. Streams of violet, indigo, azure and mauve are falling over me like waves, dotted with stars of shining silver light. They wash away the feelings of fear that I had about jumping through the dusty wall, they wash away the fears that I have about walking into the unknown, they heal the terrors that I have held about baring myself to others, they heal the pain that I have held in my heart for a lifetime, the pain of a child crying in the darkness, when no one is listening. I stand under the healing waterfall of light and feel the burdens of a lifetime wash away.
As the light stops falling around me, I begin to feel like Mother Mary, serene and at peace, and I become aware that I am holding something, and looking down, I see that I am holding a baby boy, cradled in my arms. I wrap him in the blue cloak that I now seem to be wearing, and start to walk along with him, looking into his eyes, as his adoring mother. I carry him through the landscape, and he grows heavier and heavier, until at last I can carry his weight no more. I set him down upon the floor, and he seems to be around three years of age, he takes my hand firmly, looking up at me with trust and adoration, and he tells me that he can walk by himself now. We walk along together, the landscape changing and turning, but not in a way that I am very aware of, because all my attention is fixed upon the child. He grows as we walk, becoming taller and taller. Sometimes he chats a great deal, other times he is silent, but all the time there is an easiness between us that tells me that he belongs to me, he is part of me. Soon enough he is the same height as me, and then he overtakes me, and still we walk, although he does not hold my hand any more, . Sometimes he moves off ahead, other times then he falls behind, but he is never far from me, telling me stories, making me laugh, entertaining me with snippets of what he has collected along the road. At one point he disappears from my sight for a long while, and I fear that I have lost him, that I have mislaid him in some manner. I start to worry that I neglected him, but then I remind myself that he took himself away, that there was something that he clearly needed to do. I carry on walking, and then he appears again, coming up behind me and surprising me.
He is a man now, fully grown, and he puts his hands upon my shoulders, and looks into my eyes with a calm and steady gaze, full of certainty and strength. He takes me in his arms, and it feels as if he is sending roots down through my arms and my back, searching for my soul. I am unprepared for the strength of this, but I allow it. And then he starts kissing me, a shy lover tentative at first, growing stronger as the minutes pass, melting me into a glow of fluid grace. And as this happens, I feel as if I am dissolving, as if we are both dissolving, and my eyes darken and I drift into the sensations, as I sail upon a vast inland sea, travelling into places that I have never before seen.
My vision clears again, and I see that he has gone, and that I am not wearing the blue cloak anymore. I look around me, and I feel taller, I feel stronger, I feel calm and I feel concentrated. I feel able to face what stands ahead with courage and with bravery, with the knowledge that I can lead myself into battle against whatever may present itself in the future.
I hear the clarion call, and the scarlet portal opens in the dust of the desert. I see The Emperor sitting there upon his throne, his weapons at rest, and I hear the words “ A sword day, a red day, and the sun rises” and with his encouragement and blessing, I pass through the portal, to walk once more into The Hallway of Beginnings
The Emperor IV
Sun of The Morning
Zodiacal Trump of Aries
Mars Rules, Sol Exalted