Today, the burden that she has been carrying seems to be unsustainable, the responsibility of her creation, all that she has made it, all that she longs for it to be, has become a weight that troubles and disturbs her. How will it be? How will it seem? What does she think? What do they think? What in fact does anyone think? Is it just a sham? Perhaps nothing more than a gaudy box upon which a play will be performed, all grace, glitter and rage, followed by an empty stage littered with the crumpled programmes of yesterdays performance.
The strife that she contains between her warring selves threatens to disrupt and unbalance her, and she must have balance if she is to continue, if she is to see the torches carried aloft for her homecoming queen; for now, however, she is in disagreement with herself, nothing sits as it should and she is tired of this internal dissonance. She walks today to challenge this sense of altercation that she finds within her heart, to calm the fears, to remedy the ills and to ensure that progress is maintained, for the show must go on. Failure is not an option, not now, after all the journeys that she has made, the mountains that she has climbed and the deserts that she has crossed. She does not want to stay here, in a place of inactivity and torpor, hopes squashed between fear and indecision and her vision clouded; she wishes to see the sun again and for the clouds to dissipate into a free horizon. Pushing through the portal, she finds herself in front of a huge gate which is flanked by the enormous winged lions of Xerxes. They stand there, massive figures of protection, staring hypnotically into the distance, gazing at spans of time that put her mortal self to shame. She is reminded of the vastness of the centuries, the paths that weave their convoluted ways through history, leading this way and that, as she busies herself with seeking secrets that she believes hold her in ignorance. Passing on through the lion gates, she emerges onto a wide and auspicious avenue, flanked upon either side with crowds of people, who appear to be waiting for some kind of performance. Standing there in absolute turmoil, her heart beats with fevered anticipation, unsure as to what she is supposed to be doing, unsure of what they want from her. A battle rages within her, and she looks within, seeing immediately what the problem is, and, reaching rather incongruously into her chest, removes two creatures, two lizards, and places them on the ground in front of her. They immediately start to battle it out, each one convinced that their way is the right way, and the other one must do what this one says. Back and forth the argument swings, with first one and then the other appearing to get the upper hand, but really neither one emerges as the victor. She stands there with the crowd watching her, like some beleaguered mother at a standstill with two squalling toddlers, stands there and wonders what to do. Growing tired of the bickering, she looks at the ground around the lizards, discovering that the seams between the slabs of soft silver limestone rock are rich with flowers, daisies of the usual variety, turning their innocent and trusting faces to the sun and chanting “He loves me- he loves me not- he loves me- he loves me not” back and forth back and forth; it is the same as the two lizards!! She remembers that Daisy Flower essence helps her to stay centred, grounded and in command, especially when circumstances which are out of her control threaten to throw her off balance.
Feeling refreshed by the cheerful and sunny faces of the daisies, she turns her attention back to the lizards, telling them in no uncertain terms that they will each have a turn at deciding how it goes. She carries on walking down the avenue, with the lizards ahead of her where she can keep an eye on them; finally they reach their destination, a raised dais with steps up to it. As unsure as she is as to what the event requires, the lizards seem very particular, each one having its own very certain ideas about how she should look and how she should behave. Drifting away from their arguing again, she looks at the crowd, realising as she does so, that it actually doesn’t really matter how she looks, or in fact how she behaves, for most of what the crowd sees will be dictated by what they expect her to be. They will probably have their own preconceived idea of what she is anyway, as they have no real idea of who she really is. She can be anything they want her to be, and nothing she does will change that. The lizards finally stop bickering, and are happy with what she looks like and the speech that they have prepared. She sits on the waiting chair, looking out over the heads of the crowd, whilst the two lizards, Heart & Ego, now sit peacefully, basking in the blazing warmth. The sky above is filled with a riot of gold, which becomes brighter and brighter and brighter, until eventually she is dazzled into blindness by an endless vision of eternal light.
Fire 5 Reassures you that your humanity is alive and well as you face the battles of daily life! This card can signify an ego struggle, the battle between the often “childlike needs” and the realities and hardships of adult life. This can be tough, and although ultimately the battle is within, it may often manifest as an external struggle. Fives always indicate that there is a need for growth, a challenge to develop a greater understanding of a situation.
Saturn in Leo
Lord of Strife
The 5 of Wands
My name is Joanna Grant, I am an Astrologer, Tarot Reader and Writer, who lives on the beautiful Beara Peninsula in the South West of Ireland. I can often be found at home, deep in arcane research, or practicing some new form of divination whilst burning the dinner! My children probably wish that I was “normal” but may well remember my eccentricities fondly when they come to face the challenges of their own paths. My long knowledge of Astrology leads and informs my practice, in offering guidance, empowerment and healing, helping others to lead a more authentic and magical life. You can read more about me here.