And so I sit, yet again, in this beautiful and hallowed place, The Hallway of Beginnings, waiting for the end, but the end of what, I am not entirely sure…for I can see now, that all roads, all paths have led me to this place, and that I need now only to gather my awareness of the energy of this time, and to pass through the portal, into a new dimension of awareness. So very like the forays into the cards that I make, and continue to make, this journey will be a journey to another place, and that once I have stepped through, there will be no turning away from this, no coming back. I have been watching this card for three months now, and the time has not been right, the knowledge has not been there to make the journey. But as with the way of the cards, and so of course with life, all of a sudden, everything falls into place, the lights are green and it is all systems go. I feel as if I have been standing on the brink of this card for years…. but I know that in reality it has been but a moment…. for what are the spans of our lives, but mere specks in the vast pattern of eternity. It has been but a moment, for me to see the beauty of what has passed before my eyes, and to gather my thoughts for the wondrous images that will parade themselves before me in the future….
And so I sit in the hallway of beginnings, waiting for the end, waiting for the beginning, waiting for time to summon me… and now…. it is time, and so I walk for the last time it feels, up the beautiful wooden stairs that I have come to love, with their satin sensations beneath my naked feet, and my hands resting on the elegant rail. I can feel cool tears running down my face, for I know that I must leave things here that I hold dear to my heart, things that I cannot bring with me where I am going. My life is falling away from me like a cloak, as I walk up the stairs, and suddenly I feel the weight of it, the familiarity of it, the comfort of it, the beauty of it, and I know that it is also time to let this go….. let it go…… I am not my cloak, my cloak is not me, and I know that I do not need it around me anymore, not to the place that I am going now.
I pause before the door, for I am afraid, afraid of what I will find. For all my seer-ship, for all my vision, there are times when I cannot see, where I am blind to what will happen next, for perhaps if we had this knowledge, we would not quest, we would not chance our brave hearts, our tender souls, test them endlessly in the turbulent waters in which we swim. And so I slowly open the door, into darkness, and silence, and a vision of eternal and mesmerising ecstasy arising out of the inky blackness of the void ahead of me.
I step into a land where shimmering green and blue waves spiral together in front of me creating a tunnel like vortex of iridescent water the colour of dragon fly wings and peacock feathers. The vision draws me forward with an energy that I cannot describe; it is pulling me from the root of my being, towards the edge of the land, hypnotizing me with an almost infernal beauty, and I see ahead of me a square of stone, perched on the edge of the solid ground, and so I step carefully forwards, and stand there, on the edge of time it seems and peer into the chasm ahead of me.
I see paths leading away from here, back into the past, many of them. I see my life that I have lived, and I see the other lives that I did not choose, all stretching away into the distance, and I see too that they all lead here, to this place, this place that I am standing now. This is where they all lead, and none of the choices that I have made would have changed anything at all about this one step that I am about to take now. One step to change a life, to step forwards again, at the meeting point of all the roads, all the roads that lead here. I see that this place is a crossing point on a vast cycle of time, the meeting of the lemniscate of eternity, and that all roads lead to and from here. I stand here at this point, watching my pasts that have led me here, looking into the unknown ahead of me, an unknown that is shielded by the iridescent beauty of the spinning tide of The Universe. I stand in the energy of this great vortex, and I feel as if parts of me are being eroded, erased, bit by bit, slowly sanded away, removed, revealed and undone….
As this refining process happens, the detritus gently drifts away in the breeze that rises from the tunnel of time that I am standing in front of. Slowly I am being reduced, I am losing my form, and I let these things go. I watch them dispassionately as I remember them, honor them, love them, and embrace them for one last time, and then let them go. The tears flood down my cheeks, as I remember it all……. the love, the hurt, the passion and the ecstasy, the pain, the wounds the burdens and the beauty, the frustration, the tenderness, the exhaustion, the wonder and the gratitude. As I summon these things to me for one last time, they grow around me like a forest, the memories stretching up into the skies, growing, burgeoning, flowering, battling and then fruiting, finally falling and withering and dying, in a rapid time-lapse film of the intensity of my life experiences. As they die, they crumble and finally break into dust and ashes, which are swept into the void, dissolved and taken into the arms of god.
I feel cleansed and healed by this process, and become aware that I have lost my form, and now seem to be made of glowing green light, like the vortex ahead of me, and that the vortex is reaching out to me, her green arms and shimmering fingers urging me forward, asking me to join her in her eternal dance, and I edge closer, strangely unemotional now, as I realize that there is no turning back now, that all this is behind me, and that it is time to step forward.
And as the green arms of the vortex wrap around me, I feel myself melting into it, my heart opening to embrace the shimmering energy that is reaching for me, to receive all that is there. And I offer myself up in my entirety, my all, my nothing, to be absorbed, and freed from everything that I have thought was me. I surrender in completeness to the experience, this embrace, this endless love, with the knowledge that all is unknown, and all is gone, yet also that life is eternal, and that nothing dies.
And as I lose my awareness of what it means to be me, to have a life, I enter the spinning whirlpool of shimmering green light, and allow what remains of my consciousness to fragment into points of dazzling light and to blend into the sea of colour that lies all around me, safe in the knowledge that I will make it through to the other side, reformed, reborn and renewed.
Trump XXI The Universe
The Great One of The Night Time
Planetary Trump of Saturn
Elemental Trump of Earth
My name is Joanna Grant, I am an Astrologer, Tarot Reader and Writer, who lives on the beautiful Beara Peninsula in the South West of Ireland. My long knowledge of Astrology leads and informs my practice in offering guidance and empowerment, helping others to lead a more authentic and magical life. You can read more about me here.
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